didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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