don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
