Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
