so explain again why im purple
no
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
