No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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