hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
