Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
