i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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