Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
