we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone came in the potted fern
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
