well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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