can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I did not marry a roomba.
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