The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
