whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
