I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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