I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
