Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
