i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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