if only i could text you this smell
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
