The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
