he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
