Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
