Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
