She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
