suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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