We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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