1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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