.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
