ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
