He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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