just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
