I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You are a genius and a whore.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
