i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
