I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
