I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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