Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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