Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
