I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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