I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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