this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
