too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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