need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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