that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
