Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
