i think i have herpe
just one?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
