It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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