so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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