I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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