Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
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