she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
