I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
